Getting your teen to talk with you can sometimes feel like an overwhelming job.
You ask, “How was your day?” and they respond, “Fine.”
You say, “What did you do?” and they answer, “Nothing.”
If this sounds like a typical conversation with your teen, you are not alone. But there are some strategies you can use to keep the lines of communication flowing:
Ask the RIGHT questions.
Try asking open-ended questions. For example, “Tell me one good thing that happened to you today.” These type of questions generally make them think about their answer a little more and may strike a nerve, good or bad, for them to open up.
Give them some down time.
Try not to be too intrusive with your teen until they’ve had some down time after school . We know how most of us feel when we come home from work and we need to decompress. Our teens need the same. Schedule a time to talk when it’s a natural flow of conversation and both of you will enjoy the interaction more.
Listen.
Your teen needs to know that you hear them first. They are more willing to open and share once they know you care. ASK them if they want your input or if they just want you to listen. There will be times that they just need a sounding board. As hard as it is Parents, we don’t always have to “fix” things.
Validate.
Tell your teen that you can understand how they would feel sad, angry, lonely or whatever emotion they’re having. You may not understand all their emotions, so find the one you can understand and validate them. This is NOT the same as validating bad behavior.
Praise.
Find something you can praise your teen for during the conversation, even if it’s something as simple as good eye contact.
Remain positive.
Avoid negative input during interactions if at all possible. Remember, the goal is to make your teen feel safe so that they continue opening up to you.
